Before the trip I was already encountering weird spiritual warfare stuff, from family arguments to getting extremely sick the day before I left, it was definitely clear that Satan did not want me going. BUT I shook it off and trusted that God was going to work in and through me.
When we got off the plane my adrenaline and excitement kicked in, I was ready! We landed late at night so my first experience of India was: car horns, humidity, lots of people, crowded streets, instant sweat, tons of trash, a distinct scent and did I mention LOTS OF PEOPLE? The next day everything hit me. I saw the real, raw India. I instantly was hit with a wall of emotion, something that hit so powerfully it took my breath away. Yes, I've been on mission trips before and traveled across the world by the grace of God, but this, this was something completely different. Kenya, Puerto Rico and many European countries have Christian influence, which allows for hope. India... India has no Christian influence. No hope.
Did you know there are more than 35 million orphans in India alone. Did you know that because Hindu is the main religion they do not do anything for these children, because they believe that these children must have done something to "deserve" this life in their past life. Did you know that Hindu's worship rats and other animals. There is a rat temple with millions and billions of rats that people go to, to worship and drink the same milk as THE RATS? Did you know there are more young girl, not women, young girl prostitutes in India than the entire female population in America? Did you know in Alwar, Rajesthan there are more prostitutes than Christians? Did you know that in Alwar alone there are over 19 prostitution villages? Did you know any of this? I thought I had prepared myself well enough but... I did not. There is darkness all over this country. A darkness that is only understood if you see it for yourself. Watching as children are forced to beg and if they don't make their "quota" they'll be drugged and beaten. FEELING little hands grab my arms, begging. Looking into their eyes and praying over them. Watching people as they walk around Zombie-fied.
At Shiloh, where I stayed, there were 2 Hindu temples and a Muslin mosque literally on the other side of our fence. You could say that Satan was at work. The spiritual warfare was present. The first week of the trip, I couldn't stop crying. For a girl who only cries in private, I was a blabbering mess. It was embarrassing. Literally feeling like Satan was laughing at me. What happened to that strong girl who was ready to take on the World? What happened to her strength, her passion and her desire to help others? I felt like I was in a giant depression. I was miserable. I had told my mom that, “I probably shouldn't be here because there is nothing I can do. I'm just a 21 year old girl from Arvada, Colorado who just needs to get out.” Words not from my inner self but from all the warfare surrounding me. Why am I telling you this? Just wait! People would call and pray over me, they would text me prayers and message me on Facebook. Then my uncle called. He said "Emily, I will do what is best for you." I then proceeded to tell him that there is so much hurt and so many helpless/hopeless people here, I'm not qualified”. He then proceeded to say, "Emily, as Christians we all have a light within us. Sure, you need to shine where there are other lights, but even though you do not feel qualified, YOU have a light. Even in a sea of darkness, they will be able to see your light shining, whether it's bright or dim." He prayed over me and I began to weep, literally weep, not cry, weep. I spent the next few hours digging deep into His word and in prayer. Something I should have done longgggg before but I had been falling into the trap Satan was trying to set up.
That night that depression was gone and God gave me a new lens to look through, to look through His lens. I was listening to Hillsong's song Relentless. "You're love is relentless." Relentless. Never gives up. Everlasting. He didn't send me to feel helpless, he sent me to be Relentless. He sent me because I was capable. I'm not capable on my own like I was unintentionally trying to do, but I am capable when I hand it all over to Him and he becomes the pilot and I become the passenger. From those moments forwarded God changed my heart. He gave me a whole new perspective. He changed the way I would react. Sure my heart was still wrecked, but he was holding my hand protecting and directing my heart. I had a feeling this trip would impact my life, but I did not realize how much. God broke my heart for what breaks His. "Wake up and look around Emily!"
By showing people the love of God, it creates room for friendships, relationships and meaningful/intentional conversations. It allows for orphaned boys to know that they matter (No Longer Orphans does an incredible job at this). That they are loved. That they have a purpose. That even though their society is telling them otherwise, they are perfectly placed on the earth for a beautiful, thought out purpose and reason. Because of forced arranged marriages and prostitution all over the city, sometimes love is viewed as a negative thing. But Gods love changes lives. It heals wounds. It stitches scars. It allows you to break free from the chains that are holding you back from the best you, you can be. Through much prayer God proved to me that I was there to simply love.
Indians are not affectionate people... In fact in the beginning I would hug the boys and it would be like hugging a metal pole, they didn't really know how to hug back, or at least feel comfortable hugging me. "Alright God, HELP ME." I then decided high-fives were a good leeway. They would be a good starter for positive love. To let them know that "I see you and I care about YOU!" Let me tell you, high-fives with 40 boys gets intense! The more comfortable they are around you the more the high-fives hurt, but I took that as progress and I was absolutely positively okay with that. I gave so many high-fives that I almost gave a man a high-five at a restaurant when he said "Namaste!" and raised his hand. How embarrassing would that have been….
After high-fives, high-fives instantly became handshakes. All sorts of handshakes. All different ones that they were teaching me. We would make them up or make the ones they knew more intense. You would never feel alone walking through Shiloh with all the handshakes going around. It became the thing at the children's home. It was my favorite. The day I left, the boys swarmed me with hugs. HUGS. All of them. I cried. The power of God’s love is incredible. I left my heart in a place I did not think I would leave it. In a place that in the beginning I just wanted out. I left my heart in a place where I felt I was not needed or equipped enough to be. I left my heart in India. In a country filled with darkness, filled depression and a country with no hope. I learned about God's love in India, what I thought I already knew became that much more intimate. Learning, seeing, and being God's love in a way I had never experienced. I am forever grateful and humbled for this experience. My heart will forever be in a place I least expected. That is why the trip did not go according to my plan, instead I believe it went according to HIS plan.
