Lately I am finding my daily prayer to be, “God you know my heart, let your will be done.” I am continually finding myself in a state of confusion. Typically this happens after I come back from mission trip, some may call it “mission trip depression”, but this time it is lasting longer than normal. Constantly finding myself in tears and second-guessing myself. “God what am I supposed to do? Please make it abundantly clear to my oblivious self.” Going from serving the Lord and serving others, to sitting in a classroom all day, coming home to study, reading what’s required, and then eventually writing those papers, leaves you with little to no time to do what truly fuels you. It is a daily struggle that I have constantly had a hard time coming to terms with. Do not get me wrong; I believe education is the key to success and freedom. I believe every human being needs to have the opportunity to have an education. I may be biased on this topic though because I grew up in a household with a mom who is an educator. We watched documentaries together, I helped set up her classroom year after year, and to this day I go and volunteer in her classroom because I believe it is so important. Nelson Mandela once said, “Education is the most powerful weapon in which you can use to change the world.” How true is that??
     I am so thankful for the opportunity to go to a university that encourages you to go out of your comfort zone and empowers you to chase your calling. I heard a quote one day about chasing your calling that said, “If you are not uncomfortable, you are not doing it right.” Take it however you want, to me I held on to that tight. My friend shared with me a quote from Pastor Rick Long that said something like, “God created you with a purpose, plan and mission, one of YOU. If you do not live out your calling, it will not get done.” WHOA. That’s crazy to think about!
    As I was sitting in class staring out the window I could not help but think of the many friends and family who are out in the world chasing their callings, sharing the Gospel and serving the Lord full time: friends in India, China, Cambodia, Kenya, the US, you name it! My heart is bursting with joy knowing the positive impact they are making. I had a friend tell me something one time when I was deciding whether or not to go back to school that impacted the way I thought about things, she said, “Emily, this is your waiting period, you are at school for a reason and God is going to use that in ways you cannot even imagine. School is not your thing and he is teaching you discernment and patience. Imagine yourself as a caterpillar.  You cannot become a beautiful butterfly until you make a cocoon. You are in the "cocoon" stage of life, soon you are going to become that beautiful butterfly, but not until God thinks you are ready, if you come out of it too quickly you will not be ready.”
    As I write this I am currently stalling on writing a paper that is due in less than twenty-four hours,
praying and trying to find motivation to get through these next couple years. For those of you who are struggling being at school this semester, hold on tight. You too may be in that cocoon stage of life; pretty soon you are going to be a beautiful butterfly chasing your calling. So smile, breathe, and remember that you are not alone. God put that passion in your heart for a reason whether it is: teaching, missions or being a banker. “God wants us to focus on being who He made us to be so we may impact those around us. He invites us to celebrate our uniqueness and be just as we are… The truth is that you inherently glorify God when you are yourself. God wants to spell something beautiful with your life- all we have to do is offer up letters” (Feinberg).  So hold on, embrace your uniqueness, embrace your calling, and most importantly embrace God and watch as he transforms your life into something beautiful.

"In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in Heaven." Matthew 5:16